Preface: This was one of the very first assignments we completed, from the writer's toolbox unit. Overall this unit taught me a lot about the areas I needed to improve, but also made me aware of the areas I excelled at. This piece responding to a prompt that was given (where a harried waiter or waitress serves a party of six rather unruly diners), exemplifies my proficiency in showing and telling. I thought my use of showing evoked emotion, and beauty in this story. I chose to include telling through conversation, to maintain the story's length. I think I effectively used fragments to develop the mood, and utilized nuances, referring to slight and subtle differences in shades of meaning, such as my reference to 'Twilight' when describing the colour of green in his eyes, which is very pulpy in nature. The feedback I'd received previously was to make sure the story's creativity did not confuse the reader. I edited my story for clarity, to ensure it would be comprehensible to all readers. An area of weakness would be making sure the story is clear and flows easily. Sometimes my creativity confused and restricted readers from understanding the true essence of what I was trying to convey as writers, so I spent some time editing my piece for clarity. Overall, I'm proud of this piece and believes it demonstrates my skill in this area of writing. I strongly believe the aspect of showing really influenced and made this story special. I feel that approach worked the best, and added depth to the story.
By: Ashwini Selvakumaran
The six of them were slumped in the same, loud, dingy booth, the one with the chairs slightly worn down and the table evidently scratched.
Like their personalities.
“Uh, Hi, welcome to Checkers. What can I get you?” Keeping my voice low but what I hoped was firm, I tried to ignore the immense sweat budding on my palms.
Immediately, five gazes snapped on to me. The sixth, kept his head lowered, silent.
Don’t panic.
“Well, hello there” A pale, raven-haired boy with jet-set black eyes who seemed like the poster-boy for a ‘Twilight’ movie, looked me up and down. “She’d be a pretty tasty treat now, wouldn’t she, Rob?”
Rob, a blonde boy with rosy cherub cheeks, who’d I deemed almost too innocent to be a part of this crowd, chuckled. “I agree, Nate.” The boys hooted in agreement.
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from screaming.
Panic.
“Stop it guys.”
The sixth member of their group almost hissed out the words, his silence voluminous until now.
“Jax, we were just having some fun-“
“I said quiet.” Jax growled looking up.
Oh wow.
The dim lighting, which washed all of the other patrons out, only served to enhance his most striking feature, his deep green eyes. A churning, passionate type of green that the ocean turned during a storm.
His electric stare locked with mine.
“They’re sorry. They didn’t mean it. We’ll have our regular please. Davis knows what we like.”
I nodded slowly, then surely, scampering back to the kitchen. The volume returned, as if nothing had ever happened. I dared to glance at Jax.
His beautiful eyes glazed over me momentarily, and we shared a whisper of a smile, before he turned away.
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